Day 26: I Wish I Could Help Out More

January 21, 2010

As I am sure all of you know by now, I am single. This means that for the most part, the only person in the world I truly need to take care of is me. This makes for a pretty uncomplicated lifestyle, one that I have taken great care of cultivating over the last decade. I have never wanted my life to be very complicated. In fact, I try to live as simple of a lifestyle as I possibly can. It's one(of many) reasons why I stay away from relationships. All they do is add complications and drama to your life, the two things I have always wanted to avoid.

Now I understand this is also the key to living a very lonely and self-centered life. I do not deny this, it's kind of the point. I like taking care of myself and only myself because it is the easy way out. With that being said though, I really wish that I was in a position to help more people out. I have so many people who are very close to me who are in bad situations. I mean bad situation in a monetary sort of way. As much as I want to only take care of myself, I can't help but feel the urge to want to fix their problems. If this sounds completely contradicting, that's because it is.

I realize that as things are as of right now, I am in no position to help anyone out with money. This of course doesn't mean I still can't help out in other ways, it's just that I feel like if I do not have money to help them with, it is kind of pointless. I also don't feel as if this thought process is constructive in the least, which is why I try not to think about very often.

I suppose all I am trying to say, is that I wish I could finish something up and make some money at it. I just wish I would have been able to get my career going a little earlier because I feel like I am of no help right now. I hate feeling useless like this, I wish I could help out more. I just don't know how to move things along quicker then this.

I'm rambling now and the last thing I want is for this blog to turn into another one of my daily journal's. Nobody needs to read about my pointless thoughts on the internet. I just wish I was able to fix everything, I'm just really worried about some people.