Day 36: Music From Another Room

January 31, 2010

Everyone has regrets. Whether it is relating to something that you have said to another person or it is something you failed to act on, everyone has at least one thing in their life that they would like to change. Except for Taylor Swift possibly, she's only 20 and things have seemed to go pretty good for her so far. Anyways though, I do have a few of my own. Today though, I am only going to talk about one. It involves the only regret I truly have involving a girl.

I'll start it off by saying I have not thought about this story for some time now. In fact, it wasn't until recently that I even remembered it. It begins with me having a Netflix account. I've had it for around ten months now and I have to be one of there favorite customers. I say this because it usually takes me a good month to watch and return a movie. Over the summer I had the same movie for around ten weeks, so needless to say I do not use my account wisely. However, I stay with them because they are the easiest thing around to find movies that I have always wanted to see. That is where this all comes into play.

As I have previously mentioned, I love the movie '10 Things I Hate About You'. I don't know why I love this movie so much, but I do. Since I do watch this movie quite often, it shows up on my account page that I have been viewing it. When this happens, they always try to recommend other movies that are similar to the film that you have just watched. So a couple of weeks ago I was on the site and I was looking through recommendations and I came across a film that I had not thought of in a long time. The name of the movie is "Music from another room", starring Jude Law and Gretchen Mol. It is a little indie romantic comedy that was released in 1998 to very little fanfare. I had never scene this movie but always wanted to, not because it sounded interesting to me but because of a girl that I once liked.

Back in the fall of 1999, my first semester of college, I had a speech class that I very much liked. It was a great class, with a great teacher that I still remember fondly to this day. Past that though, there was nothing particularly special about this class. It was my first night class, which I suppose is something, but nothing out of the ordinary. The one thing that has kept it in my mind all these years though, is this girl I sat next to. I do not remember her name or even what she looked like, but I remember her being very pretty. She was 18 years old, same as I was. I remember this because we all had to give speeches on the year we were born in and both of ours were on the year 1980. I also remember that she was going into mortuary science and her father ran one of the restaurants on the campus that we were attending.

I am actually surprised that I remember all of that about her and not her name. For some reason names always allude me. Anyways, we talked once in a while and always got along great. I remember thinking to myself that I should ask this girl out, but for some reason I never did. Actually, the reason I did not do this is because I was into another girl at the time, one that naturally never lead to anything. So as the semester rolled on, I went on with thoughts of asking her out but never wanted to in case the situation with the other girl turned around.

Now you may be wondering (or the more likely scenario is one that involves you losing interest at this point), where does this movie come into play? Well, the movie comes into play because in one of her speeches she mentioned that it was her favorite movie of all time. I remember asking her about this movie, as I had never heard of it. She told me about it and I remember thinking that it was a strange movie to be someones all time favorite. Regardless of the reason though, it was her favorite film and I have always kept that in the back of my mind. Which is what brings me to today.

This morning after watching Roger Federer win his sixteenth Grand Slam final championship, I watched the movie 'Music from another room'. It was a charming little romantic comedy, not favorite all time movie material, but very likable nonetheless. Which finally brings me to the thing that I regret. The day of our last class together I was in a really lousy mood. I believe I had come to yet another realization that I was never going to get with the girl that I had been pinning over. So when I got to class that night I just wanted to get in and get out as quickly as possible. I remember regret girl looking very good that night (as she always did), but me acting like captain poopy pants. She tried to talk to me a couple of times during class and me being indifferent to the situation.

I also remember getting that vibe from her that night, you know the one you get before some asks you out. It's that nervous excited feeling that you get in your stomach. It's a really great feeling and that was what I was getting from her that night. As the class came to a close I vividly remember us walking out together. As we began to walk down the school hallway though, I started to walk faster then her, as if trying to get away from her before she could ask me something. I wanted to sulk that night by myself and a small part of me wanted another person to feel the same way that I did. So as I walked down the hallway towards the exit door I heard her say something to me, I don't know what it was but I knew she was talking to me. Though I of course heard her say this I chose to pretend that I didn't hear her and kept on walking. I remember feeling really bad about this and when I reached the exit, I looked back and saw her standing in the hallway, turning around and walking the other way.

I realize that none of this is ground breaking stuff, but I have always regretting not turning around to see what she had said. I wonder if she was going to ask me out or if she was just wishing me a happy Christmas. Either way, I really wish that I could go back and see what she had to say. I also wish that I had seen the movie back then as well. Maybe, just maybe it would have given us one more thing to talk about. It's moments like this that I spend far too much time thinking about. It is a regret though, the only true regret I have involving a girl that I may have liked. I've never told this story to anyone (technically I still haven't I suppose) and now it's out there.

I still wonder if anything would have ever come from me turning around that night. I suppose wonder is all that it will ever be. Until next time, have a good night.

Day 35: The Sounds of Writing Part 8

January 30, 2010

Finally, the concluding chapter to this segment.

1. Green Day: 21st Century Breakdown 2009

The first time I heard Green Day's follow up to their massively successful American Idiot, I was naturally very harsh. I had trouble getting into the three act style that they had used on this album, not really understanding what they were trying to do with it. After a couple of times though, I started to really get into the different sounds that they were trying for. The album goes much softer in a couple areas, especially in songs like "Last Night On Earth" and "21 Guns". Alternately though, it also goes much harder and darker then they have either. With the tracks "East Jesus Nowhere" and "Restless Heart Syndrome", they pound home the fact that not only are we going down the wrong path, but that it is our own fault that we are going this way.

With that being said, it is ultimately not the music that brings this album up to the level of greatness. The lyrics on this album are so scary good that I am amazed that I have not read more about them. When I finally got around to listening to this album with the lyric book in hand, I literally had chills running down my spine as if I was reading a great piece of literature. Which is truly what this album is, a wonderfully written story about a society on the brink of destruction. Early in the album when Billy Joe drives home the point that you must "Know Your Enemy", it seems a bit repetitive. That is until you hear the song, "Restless Heart Syndrome" where in a synthesized growl you hear him say "You are your own worst enemy, know your enemy". It is moments like this on the album that bring it above the standard issue rock opera and into a level with few contemporaries.

I also think this is the reason why the album has had such a hard time finding a large following. Instead of taking it easy and going a bit lighter after "American Idiot", they decided to go down the rabbit hole a little farther and explore an even darker story. If all comes to pass as Green Day predicts, we do not have much time left in our cozy little place on earth. On the upside though, we will at least go out with a bang. As I mentioned earlier, the album is broken up into three different acts, all of which have their own distinct sound to them. The first Act entitled "Heroes and Cons", starts out with a decidedly light tone. As the seven track segment comes to a close though, you are hit head on with the overwhelming heartbreak and sadness that is "Last Night on Earth". The track marks their softest song to date, leading the album into the second and darkest act named, "Charlatans and Saints".

Act II is by far my favorite part of the album, bringing everything that has been discussed in the first act to a head. My favorite track on the album is a part of this act as well. "Last of the American Girls" has a playful nature to it, bringing in an almost longing feel to it's "Eve of Apocalypse" lyrics. With it's early to mid-80's feel to it, the song marks the bands finest moment (In my opinion) in it's twenty year career. The rest of the act is filled with the fast paced "Murder City" and "?Viva La Gloria? (Little Girl)" and end's with the prolific "Restless Heart Syndrome". "Restless Heart Syndrome" to me is as powerful and great (though not quite as long ) as "Funeral For A Friend", the opening track on Elton John's, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. If their is any downside to this album at all (and I don't think there is), it is that this second act is so powerful and great that the other two might not seem quite as good in comparison.

The third act entitled "Horseshoes and Handgrenades" by no means disappoints though. It starts out with possibly the best stadium anthem I have ever heard in "Horseshoes and Handgrenades" and follows that up with the "Church on Sundayesque" song "The Static Age". After that you get "21 Guns", "American Eulogy" and "See the Light". Which send the album off on a softer (Well, kind of), though not necessarily happy ending. As with most rock opera's, the ending meets back up with the beginning and though the story does have an end, it reminds us that it is never "The End". Despite their dark nature on this album, Green Day is still not without a little hope.

One of the reasons that I think they are having a hard time selling this album is because there isn't really a standout single on it. I know that "21 Guns" has actually done quite well on the radio, but for the most part none of these songs work as well alone as they do together as a whole. I hope in writing this I have not over sold this album, as I truly believe that it is their best album to date. Listen to it at home a couple of times with the lyrics in hand and I promise you will not be disappointed.

Well, that finally raps up my top ten albums list of 2009. I'm really just happy that I was able to finish this thing up by the time I wrote my 2010 album list, which listening wise, is already well under way. I hope you (You? Is anybody really out there?) enjoyed it, it was pretty enjoyable on my end as well.

Day 34: The Sounds of Writing 7

January 29, 2010

I know, it's been two and a half weeks since my last entry in this series. I promise to finish this up by tomorrow.

2. Lily Allen: It's Not Me, It's You 2009

The British singer/songwriters 2006 debut album Alright, Still, was one of my favorite albums of 2007. Her fresh lyrics were filled with enough sarcasm, snark and truthfulness to fill three albums worth of material, so my expectations for her follow up were quite big. Not only did she match Alright, Still's originality, she has actually exceeded it with her sophomore effort. With the addition of social concern and a touch of sadness, she adds another layer of depth to her writing ability. The album still has the same bite as her original did, but it is obvious that Ms. Allen has grown up a bit.

The album starts off strong with the track, "Everyone's At It", a song that deals with societies unstoppable dependency on drugs. She has real concern in her lyrics that show she is genuinely worried about this problem. Lyrics like, "From grown politicians to young adolescents/Prescribing themselves antidepressants/How can we start to tackle the problem/If you don't put your hands up and admit that you're on them", show that she knows the only way for us to begin to solve this problem is to first, start with ourselves. She follows that up with "The Fear", a song dealing with consumer culture. She remarks that we have completely lost our way when it comes to caring about what really matters. She attacks tabloids and over spending, portraying our "Fear" as our inability to stop trying to fit in with what pop culture and mass consumerism tells us is correct. "Fear" is a track that hits home to what I believe pop culture has become; a never-ending distraction to what really matters in the world.

The final track along these lines is "22", which tackles the issue of our youth obsessed culture. It is about a woman nearing the age of 30 and how she already feels like she is obsolete. The song has such a sadness to it that it makes me wonder how many woman are out there feeling this exact same way. It also brings up the idea that one of the outcomes of the feminism movement, was that it puts woman in the same position as their male counterparts. I could naturally be wrong with this point, but it was one of the first things that I thought of when I first heard it. The song makes me wonder as I approach the big 3-0, how much different it is for men than woman at this age. Though I feel for the girl in this song, I feel none of the same pressures as Lily Allen brings up in it. I suppose I wouldn't, which shows the inequality that still exists in our society.

The rest of the album is closer in tone to her first album, with songs involving her lover not being able to perform sexually, to her telling a group of intolerant assholes "Fuck You". Musically she goes a little less poppy on most of album, almost sounding like the band "Garbage" on a couple of tracks. The rest of it is very electronic based, though with a much darker tone to it. She even sings a waltz on the track, "Never Gonna Happen". In it she sings about how, despite the fact that she is still occasionally sleeping with the person, she does not understand why he will not stop trying to get with her. It is a hilarious send up of misread signals and double standards.

Overall, the album is filled with the most entertaining and thought provoking pop music that you are going to find. Lily Allen announced last year that she was going to be taking two years off from the recording industry, not knowing if she will ever come back. If she does this, I will be very disappointed. On the flip side though, if taking a couple of years off will get us another album half this good, then by all means, take as much time as you need.

I'll be back tomorrow with the final album.

Day 33: Winter Depression

January 28, 2010

Sorry I didn't write on the actual 28th, I had a really bad day at work. One of those days where you think you are going to lose your job type of days. It all involved a choice and I knew the right choice was the one that would get me in trouble. I made the right choice and it did get me in trouble. Luckily though, I still have a job, which I am thankful for.

I named this entry "Winter Depression" because often during this time of the year I am not in the best of spirits. I don't think it is an actual depression, as those tend to be more crippling then this. A Winter Depression is more or less a result of the lack of sunlight and warmth. It is nothing new, as I have lived in Michigan my whole life. It is actually something of a comfort for me, something that I almost look forward to. It gives me time to relax and take a breather from everything. It is naturally a lonely state of mind, but I do not mind that either.

It is during this time of year that I usually get my best writing done. It is easier to think for some reason, as if the cold and the loneliness gives you a better perspective on things. It could also be that I just think the stuff I am writing is better because everything else around me is usually so lousy. Either way, it at least gets me to write more.

I will hopefully post this thing on a regular basis again after today, though depending on work (which has been busy), I really will not know. Until then though, have a good night.

Day 32: Huh?

January 27, 2010

I was really bummed when I couldn't put Taylor Swift's 'Fearless' on my top ten album's for 2009. I originally had her on it but I realized that I had heard her album during the last week of December 2008, which disqualified her from the list. Her album is very good and it would have easily been five or six on my list. I only write this because I think she is pretty fantastic. I don't really have anything else to say today. Which is kind of pathetic. I am guessing once the Australian Open is over with I will be back to my normal thought process. Right now all I am thinking about is Tennis and how awesome Taylor Swift is. That's it, I have nothing more to add.

Day 31: I'm so self involved

January 26, 2010

Hey, I'm actually caught up. Sorry about not finishing up the Sounds of Writing thing either. I know what the albums are, I for some reason just have not written about them yet. I think I like having something on the docket to write about. It gives me a sense of security that if I am desperate for a topic, I could always just write about that.

I started this thing off as an exercise in writing for myself. The purpose was to get me back into the habit of writing everyday, like I used to when I was still in college. I think that so far it is doing the job just fine. I like having something that I have to do again, it gives me a mild sense of purpose. The thing I didn't want this to become was a daily diary though. I can't think of anything more selfish than expecting people to read your inner thoughts. Which I suppose is the entire purpose of writing anyways, so I should probably stop with that line of thought.

On that same topic though, did I really expect to write in something on a daily basis without it turning into a diary? Evidently a month ago I did think that was a possibility. With all that being said though, I now know there is really no way around it. I am going to put some of my personal life into this thing. Kind of like how most writers create characters based on themselves or someone that they know. I suppose that when it comes to writing, everything is connected.

The part that bugs me the most though, is that I have always been the first one to come against anything like this. By this I mean a blog about your own life. Keeping a blog to me always seemed like the most selfish thing you could do. Expecting other people to care about you has always seemed like an incredibly selfish act (Given, on this blog I am technically only writing to myself, so I shouldn't feel that bad). I could be wrong of course. My entire thought process may be completely off base here, it wouldn't be the first time. I suppose all I am trying to say here is that including my personal life into this blog basically makes me a hypocrite. I hate being a hypocrite.

For the time being though, I am going to have to live with being a hypocrite, as I have no intention of stopping this thing. Well, that was a fun post. I am hoping to be more lively tomorrow.

Day 30: An old friend is back

January 25, 2010

O.k., so the title is kind of overly dramatizing the situation. What I am referring to is a friend of mine who started writing on her blog again. The name of her blog is erinmoves.blogspot.com and it is a fantastically written blog about her life. It is funny, interesting, zany at times and over the last couple of months it even had the overtones of sadness. She stopped blogging regularly a couple of months ago, with her last post being well over a month ago. I had talked (emailed) to her around Thanksgiving about her new job and she sounded very excited about it. I also knew that last year was kind of a rough year for her and I just wanted to make sure everything was alright.

When she didn't post for a couple weeks I was bummed, but not concerned. When it had been over a month though, I was a little bit worried. I say worried not in the sense that I was losing sleep over it, but as I checked her blog I was more or less wondering what was going on. That is why I was so excited this morning to see that she was back. She posted some pictures of her new apartment and her new cat. Naturally the best part of it though was the small summary that she wrote. In just a couple of sentences, she reminded me why I had missed her blog. Her writing style has such a distinct feel to it, that as soon as you start reading her, you know it could be no one else writing.

This may sound stupid, but her blog is the only reason that I even started my own blog in the first place. She is twice the writer that I am, regardless of what her subject matter is. So if for some reason somebody out there is reading this, please check out her blog if you are in the mood to read someone who actually knows how to write.

Day 29: For once, either option is good

January 24, 2010

At last, I actually like both teams that are going to be playing for The Super Bowl. After two glorious games (to which neither of them I was able to watch, but that's a different story), the Indianapolis Colts and the New Orleans Saints are going to playing each other in the Super Bowl. This was a huge relieve as I despise both the New York Jets and the Minnesota Vikings. It also marks the first time I honestly do not care who wins the Super Bowl; and not in bad way. I say this because for the first time (I think ever), I don't strongly dislike one or both of the teams that are playing. Given, the list of teams that I dislike is a very large list, one that includes far too many teams for me to name.

I am not sure why this is, as I do not have such strong feelings in other sports. Well, strong feelings about such a vast number of teams I should say. It may stem from the fact that I am a Detroit Lions fan and the list of teams that have embarrassed us is quite long. In fact, the amount of teams that I do like is a short list in its self. I pretty much only like Detroit, Miami, Indy, New Orleans, Arizona and Philadelphia. I don't mind the Seahawks or the Giants and the Chargers are not bad either. Past that though, I pretty much can't stand the rest of the league. This makes getting a favorable match-up rather difficult or for the most part, impossible.

Not this year though. I am already geeked about the game two weeks before it happens. I can just see it now. Manning passing for 375 yards and three touchdowns. Brees passing for 415 yards and four touchdowns. This could very well go down as one of the most enjoyable football games ever played. Unless of course you are a Jets or a Vikings fan, than I would imagine you could care less who wins. For once though, in good way, I don't care who wins. Go Colts and Saints! I'm rooting for you.

Day 28: I'm old from a certain point of view

January 23, 2010

Still watching massive amounts of Tennis right now, kind of why I have not written anything in a day or so. It is sort of strange watching Tennis as a twenty nine year old though, because according to Tennis rules, I am almost at the end of the line. Most players either retire or only play select tournaments when they get to be thirty years old, so if I were playing Tennis, I would be nearing the end of my career. This is so strange because when I first starting watching and playing, I think I was around the age of fourteen. When I would watch back then, everyone seemed so much older than me. Most importantly though, the idea of people retiring at the age of thirty seemed totally logical to me. It just seemed like thirty was pretty old and an ideal age to move on. I can still understand why I thought this way, as you never think you are going to be thirty one day when you are a teenager.

Now that I am almost thirty years old myself though, the thought of being too old to do something seems completely absurd. If I were to finally get back into proper physical shape again(and it wouldn't really take that long), I know I could be just as good(if not better) then I was back then. Well, I was never very good to begin with and to be fair I was far better at age 25 then I ever was as a teenager. It is just the idea that I am to old at 29 to do something already. I'm sure this comes with the fact that I still feel like I am 19 years old anyways, something I have to constantly remind myself of. It's just that I refuse to believe that there is something that I am already to old to do.

I know part of reason I feel this way is because I have basically accomplished nothing that I had planned on doing when I was in high school. With that being said though, I am confident that I can do anything that my 18-year old self wanted to do. I wish there was some way to put this to the test, like a self olympics. I know I could put that punk ass kid in his place. Really though, I just hate the idea that I am not as capable as I was in the past. This is probably a common thought that people have as they get older and I suppose I am no different. Stuff like this bugs me because I don't want to be one of those people who dreads getting older. As long as you have the right attitude, your age should not matter to you at all. I still have some time before I turn thirty, so I will have to work on this one.

Day 27: Random Thoughts

January 22, 2010

This is going to sound insane and stupid, but I thought it was kind of weird and little bit funny. So yesterday at work I had just finished up lunch and I was waiting for a file to upload on my computer. I was just sitting there, staring at this drink carrier that they gave me at Burger King, to obviously hold the drinks I had purchased. I was contemplating throwing the thing out, as I was no longer going to need the thing. Before I throw those things out though, I always completely dismantle them. I don't know why I do this, but I have been doing it for years. When I am finished with one of them, they always end up being in like hundred little tiny pieces.

Anyways, while I was dismantling this thing, I thought it would be a good idea to take a bite out of the drink carrier. This happens to me every so often, where I just feel the urge to take a bit out of non food items. I think I have a mild case of Pica once in a while and I suppose I had a flair up yesterday. So in the middle of me tearing this thing to pieces, I take a bite out of the thing. I don't chew or swallow the thing, I just bite it and spit it out. The thing that I find weird out of all of this though, is that as soon as I bit into it, I got this instant memory back from the Halloween of 1999.

For a split second there, I vividly remembered standing in the foyer of my parents old house with a really good friend of mine. I had just given him a toy Ewok from "Return of the Jedi" and he was about to open the thing. I think we were getting ready to go to a Halloween party that night and we must have been riding together. Now, this is not a memory that I think about very often. In fact, I don't know that I ever remember thinking of this night since it happened. Once I spit the piece of the drink carrier out, I was pretty weirded out by the entire thing. I still finished tearing the thing apart, but I did not take another bite of it. It tasted pretty awful anyways, not that I honestly thought it would taste good.

I just thought that it was kind of strange to have such a vivid flashback on such a unmemorable event. Maybe 'Burger King' puts acid in there food and the drink carrier was just the final straw(Get it, because you use a straw to drink your pop). I don't know why this happened, but I thought it was kind of interesting. You know, interesting in that sort of "There has to be something at least mildly wrong with me" sort of way.

Day 26: I Wish I Could Help Out More

January 21, 2010

As I am sure all of you know by now, I am single. This means that for the most part, the only person in the world I truly need to take care of is me. This makes for a pretty uncomplicated lifestyle, one that I have taken great care of cultivating over the last decade. I have never wanted my life to be very complicated. In fact, I try to live as simple of a lifestyle as I possibly can. It's one(of many) reasons why I stay away from relationships. All they do is add complications and drama to your life, the two things I have always wanted to avoid.

Now I understand this is also the key to living a very lonely and self-centered life. I do not deny this, it's kind of the point. I like taking care of myself and only myself because it is the easy way out. With that being said though, I really wish that I was in a position to help more people out. I have so many people who are very close to me who are in bad situations. I mean bad situation in a monetary sort of way. As much as I want to only take care of myself, I can't help but feel the urge to want to fix their problems. If this sounds completely contradicting, that's because it is.

I realize that as things are as of right now, I am in no position to help anyone out with money. This of course doesn't mean I still can't help out in other ways, it's just that I feel like if I do not have money to help them with, it is kind of pointless. I also don't feel as if this thought process is constructive in the least, which is why I try not to think about very often.

I suppose all I am trying to say, is that I wish I could finish something up and make some money at it. I just wish I would have been able to get my career going a little earlier because I feel like I am of no help right now. I hate feeling useless like this, I wish I could help out more. I just don't know how to move things along quicker then this.

I'm rambling now and the last thing I want is for this blog to turn into another one of my daily journal's. Nobody needs to read about my pointless thoughts on the internet. I just wish I was able to fix everything, I'm just really worried about some people.

Day 25: I Really Hate Surprises

January 20, 2010

A couple of days ago, one of my best friends(if not my best friend) went into the hospital to have his appendix removed. It was scary and everything, but after the surgery was over with they told us he was alright. I saw him as soon as he was brought up to his room and he looked tired, but good. We talked to him for a while and he seemed to be in good spirits. He was joking around with us and I left the hospital with a good feeling. I had talked to a couple of people the next morning about how he was the previous night and they all said he was fine.

The next day he was supposed to have been let go, so I called him up to see how he was doing. When I called him he told me he was still in the hospital. I was naturally surprised, as I figured he would be back at his apartment, or at the very least at his parents house by now. As it turns out, his appendix had burst sometime during the weekend and his body was now filled with bacteria. He didn't sound very good but he also did not sound worried either. He was mainly pissed that he had to stay another night. We talked for a couple of minutes and then I went about my night.

Fast forward to this morning when I get a call from my father telling me that he has pneumonia, but is stable. He told me this because my friend and another buddy and I were supposed to be traveling out of town this weekend to do an interview we had set-up. My dad was seeing if we could get the interview pushed back a bit so my friend could go. We did get the interview pushed back and from everything I knew to this point, everything was good again. Then at around 5:15pm my mother called me and told me that was not the case.

Evidently in the middle of the night a nurse came into his room because he wanted another blanket. When she checked on him though, she found that he was completely blue and barely breathing. They called a rapid response team into the room and even brought a priest in to read him his last rights. He obviously stabilized and came back to it, but was still pretty weak. This news shook me pretty good and even as I write this now, it is still hitting me pretty hard. I immediately drove up to the hospital to go see him. When I got there, he was awake and was talking to everyone. I was happy to see this but he still looked really weak. I was there for a couple of hours before he wanted us to leave. He wanted to finally try and get some sleep as I imagine he is incredibly tired.

I am still shaking from this news, as I am still a little bit shocked by all of it. I had to write this down now because if I didn't, I would not be able to function tonight. I am so worried about him right now. I just pray that the people at the hospital know what they are doing and that he is back home and recovering by this weekend. I realize this was nothing more than an account of my day today, but I just couldn't keep it to myself.

Day 24: The Australian Open

January 19, 2010

The Australian Open, the first Tennis major of the year started on Monday. This means for the next two weeks I am going to be sidelined and distracted by hours upon hours of Tennis each day. It is my favorite of the four majors, the other three being The French Open, Wimbledon and The US Open. Wimbledon used to be my favorite tournament, but over the last five or six years I have been completely immersed in the pull of the Aussie Open. I would imagine it has a lot to do with the fact that for two weeks in January, I get to watch something that shows me that hope is only around the corner. By hope I course mean warm weather, the one major thing lacking in Michigan this time of year.

That is not the only reason though. "The Happy Slam" as they call it has a certain playfulness that the others do not have. Everyone seems to be a little less on edge at this tournament, being it is the first biggie of the season. There is almost always a surprise at this tournament as well. Marcos Baghdatis rose to fame in 2006, making it to the finals and actually taking a set away from the not yet mortal Roger Federer. Fernando Gonzalez made a run for it in 2007 and Jo Wilfried Tsonga did it in 2008. Last year former women's hopeful Jelena Dokic made an almost improbable run to the quarterfinals after years of family and personnel turmoil. This year my hopes are already high for Maria Kirilenko, the Russian who knocked out Maria Sharapova in the first round.

The other part of it, is the television coverage that EPSN2 does. The team that they have together is easily the best in the business. From Patrick McEnroe and Darren Cahill to Mary Carillo and Pam Shriver, they have no equal in sports broadcasting. Unlike in most sports, there is no bad commentating crew. Each match you watch is full of insight and humor and unlike most other sporting events, you usually learn something as you are watching. Now I understand that other sports do not work like a Tennis major, but this crew work's together so seamlessly it's amazing that you are watching something unscripted.

Having it take place in January is such a plus for this tournament, because unlike the others, January is usually a light month for activities. May, June and August are always so busy that I do not get to spend the time immersing myself in the action like I get to with this one. A new advantage for me this year is the addition of a DVR in my house. Before this year I had to set up my VCR's everyday and night, often forgetting to set the timer's, which lead to many missed matches. Now I can literally tape every second of the tournament and not have to miss anything. I must add that I am grateful to have a roommate who didn't mind deleting most of his show's in order for me to use twelve hours of hard drive space everyday for the next two weeks.

With that I will leave you with an apology that is to be extended over the next two weeks. If my writing is a bit off or if I tend to only write about Tennis, I apologize. I will try to keep the subject's varied as much as I can, but I can make no promises. For the next two weeks I will be in my happy place, The Happy Slam down under.

Day 23: I might not be me

January 18, 2010

Since I was fifteen years old I have had a subscription to the magazine, Entertainment Weekly. Since then I read over seven hundred issues of some of the most hilarious and informative entertainment news that is out there. I literally pine for my new issue each week, waiting patiently sometimes for the mailman to do his delivers on Saturday afternoon. When I receive my issue, I sometimes read it immediately and other times I wait as if to not spoil the surprise. It has been fourteen years since I received my first issue and I can honestly say that I cannot imagine my life without it.

Which leads me to my topic for today. The only reason I know so much about what is going on in entertainment is because of the magazine. When someone asks me how something is, I always tell them what EW says about the movie/album/book. Sometimes I even tell them without letting them know, that it is not my opinion that I am sharing with them, but that of a magazine. This expression of opinion often leads to a discussion about the item, sometimes even an argument. During these arguments I almost always defend the magazines point of view, even if I have no real knowledge about the item that I am defending.

The same goes for films/music/books that I read about in the magazine and then go out and experience for myself. Their review of an item plays a large part into how I will ultimately feel about whatever it is I am analyzing. What I mean by this is, the better the review, the more likely I am to give it a chance. More specifically though, if something gets a good review and I do not personally like it, there is a much better chance of me giving it another try. I have done this so many times that I am confident if you want to make yourself like something, you truly can do it. If there is an album or a movie that gets an A, it drives me crazy if I don't like it.

The reason I am driving this point home so hard is because something has recently come to my attention. One night a couple of weeks ago I got into a discussion about a television show that I like. After about five minutes or so of talking about it, I found myself only saying terrible things about the show. After the discussion was over with, I thought about all the things that I had said about the show and was wondering why I had said them. After a couple of minutes I realized that everything I was saying was from this magazine. Not from a recent issue, from an issue probably close to ten years old now. This lead me to think about other arguments/discussions I had recently had with people and wondered how many other times I had said things that I didn't neccessarily believe in.

This lead me to the realization that perhaps my reading of Entertainment Weekly has not only supplied me with pointless entertainment news over the years, but has somehow molded a part of my personality. I would hate to think that I am some mindless drone who only learns his information from one source, but in some ways it is completely true. This is most accurately put on display when somebody trashes something the magazine has written. I will almost immediately come to the magazines defense and defend the argument as if it were my own opinion.

This is so sad to admit, but I know I have done this on dozen's of occasions. If this is all true(and I know it is), then what does that say about me as person? How can I be someone who blindly follows something as soulless as an entertainment magazine? Can I even consider myself an individual or am I just the living embodiment of the publication known to the world as Entertainment Weekly? I am like Time Warner's(EW's parent company) little doll, going around telling people what they should and should not buy. I am like a sleeper salesman who is so ingrained with what he is selling, that he doesn't even know when he is on/off the clock. I am making this much more dramatic then I should be, but in some ways this thought scares the hell out of me.

Why on earth would I let something like this happen and more importantly, if it's all true, is it even possible for me to go back? I of course have no idea what the answers to any of these questions are, but one thing is for certain; I know I won't find any of the answers in the next issue of Entertainment Weekly.

Day 22: My Hair

January 17, 2010

I think it is hilarious that I have so much hair. For the most part, I have always had very little hair on my head and that was just the look I went with. Numerous times, I have even shaved my head and actually loved it. When I was a teenager I had the part down the middle, kind of grunge look. I grew up in the 90's, so not having this kind of hair was kind of weird. Then after my junior year of high school I pretty much went with the short hair approach, mainly because it was so much easier then anything else. A couple years back I grew it in for a girl, which is such a stupid reason to do anything, but it happened. Then one day I went to get my haircut and when I came out of the salon(or whatever it is, a barbershop really isn't where my barber works), I looked at my hair and realized I had a mullet. I was naturally mortified and a couple of hours later went to a chain store place and had them take it all off.

Seeing that mullet on my head made me realize that I had let things go to far. I wasn't even with the girl anymore, I was just keeping it how I thought she liked it on the off chance that we got back together. Only in hindsight do I realize how stupid that was. When I had all of my hair shaved off on that day, it was such a freeing experience. I had never had that feeling before with my hair. It was like I was finally getting back to myself again. The next time I saw this girl, she even commented on how bummed she was that I cut my hair. I actually felt like it was an accomplishment when I heard her say that, like I had finally moved on from her.

Anyways, I have no idea how I managed to make this a relationship story but let me get back to my point. Last summer one of my friends got married and I had my hair cut extremely short. I did this because it was warm out and because I know my friends wife liked it better that way. I figured, it's her wedding day and I would give her what she wants. That was last July. Fast forward six months and I still have not gotten my hair cut again. I really don't have a reason to why I haven't, other than the fact that I haven't. I am thinking that I might try to go a year(though work may have something to say about that), but as of right now I do not know.

What I do know is that having all this hair this time around, is just as freeing as getting it all cut off a couple of summer's ago. I like it that I look like a goof ball in the morning and as stupid as this sounds, I like twirling it around when I am bored. It is the first time in my life that I have longer hair not for any particular reason, I just have it to have it. I guess the point of this entire thing is that doing stuff just to make someone else happy or to fit in, is a sure fire way to make yourself unhappy. Even something as pointless as the way you keep your hair. In closing I suppose all I am saying is that I love my hair, because even if it is messy and funny looking, at least it is mine.

Day 21: 'By Myself'

January 16, 2010

I spend much of my time by myself. Not that I don't have friends or anything like that. I actually have a lot of friends, more than I ever thought I would have to tell you the truth. What I mean by "By myself", is that I never have a plus one. I don't have relationships and I don't go on dates. I've just never been the sort of person to want any sort of companionship, well, for the most part that is. The only reason I am bringing this up is because I just came from seeing the film "Up in the air" with George Clooney. It is beyond fantastic in pretty much every sense of the word. It is such an accurate depiction of what we are as a 'country', going through right now.

Now I'm not the first person to say this, in fact it is pretty much the only description that people seem to be using for this movie. The reason for that is because it's true. I can't really think of anything else to describe it with, past the usual movie review stuff that is. Seeing this movie got me to thinking though. We have been going through some rough times over the past decade. Some major changes have been giving this country an almost complete overall that will alter our path for a long time. It's times like these that are remembered in text books and history classes. Stuff that people fifty years from now will be making documentaries and talking about like they talk about the Industrial Revolution or the Great Depression. Everything has changed so quickly over the past decade that it is possible for someone my age to feel like they are being passed up. Generations are no longer something to be measured in decades, but in single years.

I can only imagine what it must feel like to be even twenty years older then me right now. It has to be terrifying to see everything evolve so quickly. I know it scares the hell out of me. It's all just going by so fast and it feels like nobody seems to care anymore. Are there not more people out there that wish everything would just slow down for a minute. I never wanted to live in a time like this. Living in a time that will be remembered as a "Time of great change" is not something that I ever wanted to be a part of. I don't mean to come off as a complainer, someone who wants no part of the generation that he come from. It's just that sometimes it makes me so sad to think about everything that we are leaving behind.

Which brings me back to my original statement. During a time like this, is it really wise to always be by myself? It this really something that I want to go through alone? Maybe the only things that really matter during a person's life are the relationships that they have with other people. Is it possible that the reason relationships play such a huge part in our lives, is because they are the one thing that we can all count on? It's the one thing that keeps us all on an even keel. I don't know if I just answered my own questions or just posed brand new ones, but it is something that I will continue to ponder.

I know that at age twenty nine, I am probably still too young to be thinking about the long term effects of such things. I still have a couple good years of mindless hooks up in my future if I do things right, right? I guess I really don't know what to think. It's why I have so many questions about everything. I suppose that is what those relationships we have are for, to discuss all this stuff that we do not understand. Maybe that's the point to it all, not really finding the answers, but having other people to go through the questions with.

Day 20: Movers and Shakers

January 15, 2010

Ever since I have been in high school I have wanted to move out of state. For whatever reason, I have never done this. Last summer I came very close to finally getting out of here and leaving, but once again, something came up and I didn't. The same thing always happens after I decide to stay. I get bummed at first and then I realize I have probably made the right decision. The only problem is, is that a couple months later I once again want to move away. This past week that same feeling has once again come over me.

Now I am not a relationship person by any stretch of the imagination. I have never once made a commitment to another person and I do not see myself doing it anytime in the near future. With that being said though, I am also not someone who is a total loner. Though I do love being by myself, I also like talking to others on a regular basis. Put all of that together and for the most part, I think I am pretty close to being a prime candidate for moving out of state on my own. I really do feel that it is something that I need to at least try out.

The main problem of course is where would I move out to. For this question, I don't really have an answer. Given, I do have an idea, but nothing even remotely set in stone. The main problem with me moving is not being near any of my friends and family. This part of it sound terrible to me. I love seeing my friends and family on a regular basis and I would dearly miss that part of my life. On the other hand though, that reason is kind of part of the thrill of leaving. I just wonder how I would react to being completely alone for the first time in my life. Would I totally freak out or would I thrive from the freedom. This dominates my thoughts on a daily basis and I often wonder if moving away would give me something legit to write about.

Either way, the thought of moving out of town is always an intriguing idea to me. Come this fall I might be in a totally different place then I am right now, but it is kind of cool to think about. I like it that I don't really have any idea where I might be nine months from. It keeps things continually interesting, which is something that I think everyone needs to have in there life. Planning is fun sometimes, but it is nice to be spontaneous once in a while.

Day 19: A Good Day to Shoot

January 14, 2010

Last night a bunch of friends came over to my house and we shot a short trailer for a movie we are going to be making later in the year. The movie is going to be a documentary style film about this fantasy league we are all involved in. It is called the "Fantasy Fantasy League" and it is basically a Fantasy Football league for fictional characters. There is a website you can go to and check it out, it is www.fantasyfantasyleague.blogspot.com. I write for this blog/website as well, so there should be a link to it through my profile page.

Anyways, the movie is going to be about the 'Watchers' that write the matches. There are now five full time 'Watchers' on the site. This is my first year as an actual 'Watcher', as I used to only do consolation matches and stuff of that nature. The creators of the league have been full time since the beginning. The job of the 'Watcher' is to write the match how they see it. Which basically means that we take the two teams and match the characters up to each other, then after some research, try to figure out who's team would most likely be victorious. It is obviously not an exact science, as personal preferences towards certain characters can come into play. Overall though, I think we do a pretty good job of keeping it fair.

The trailer that we shot last night did not take very long to shoot, but I do think that it is going to look great. Having everyone there at the same time working on it made it go quite smoothly. Though there were times last night where I really did feel outmatched by some of these guys. Creatively, I felt like I was a step behind in everything. Not that this bothers me in that capacity, I mean the footage looks great and everything went perfectly. It is just that I hope they will continue to want to have me back. I am still good for the shooting luckily, as that is what I have always been the best at. One of the reason's I could be lacking is because it has been a while since I have done anything like this. I suppose it takes some time to knock some of the rust off.

If I sound like I am complaining, I'm only really complaining because this is a really good group of guys that I am working with. I just don't want them to think I am of no help. I love working with them and doing projects like this is all I have ever really wanted to do. With that being said, I cannot wait to see how the finished product looks and to start shooting the movie itself.

Sorry again for not finishing the music list. I will try to close it up by this weekend. Until then, have a good day.

Day 18: Shame on you Mr. Leno

January 13, 2010

I normally won't comment on stuff like late night television, but I really can't believe what NBC and Jay Leno are doing. I understand that perhaps he did not want to leave The Tonight Show when NBC told him he had to. I understand that this is a business and that very large sums of money are on the line. I also understand that The Jay Leno Show was a bit of a disaster at 10pm this past fall. What I don't understand is how Jay Leno could literally spit in the eye of not only every talk show host on television, but the entire history of the late night genre.

I know that the real enemy here is NBC. They are ultimately at fault here for even contemplating this idea. The only reason they offered Conan the 12:05am time slot for The Tonight Show. is because they knew he would never take it. Now they are going to lose(and they are going to lose him) the best talent they have.

Back to Leno though. Like I mentioned earlier, Leno was not exactly happy about leaving The Tonight Show and making room for Conan. I can understand this to a point, but it is not like he only had the show for a year or two. He was the host of The Tonight Show for 17 years. The second longest tenure as a host by far, next to the late Johnny Carson of course. He had a long established run at the top and after knowing full well about Conan's 2009 start date, it was time for him to hang up his hat(regardless of whether he wanted to or not). Conan worked his butt off for 16 years on his own show, just to get an opportunity to host The Tonight Show. Now, seven months into his run, he is going to lose it.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like Conan is going to be some broke loser living in some seedy motel. He is already a multi-millionaire and after this whole thing is over with, he is going to be worth a great deal more. There is just something about this whole thing that leaves a foul taste in my mouth. It just doesn't seem right to me that Leno is going to get his old gig back. I can't imagine as a viewer, not taking this whole thing a bit personally. How can anyone watch Jay Leno anymore after this. I can't imagine there not being a boycott of The Tonight Show, once again featuring Jay Leno. For NBC even coming up with the new late night time schedule shows me that they have no regard at all for the show that literally kept them afloat for all those years.

At least have the common decency to fire either Leno or Conan. Though that would imply some honor on the part of a network executive and that's just to much to ask.

Day 17: The Sounds of Writing Part 6

January 12, 2010

For my number three I chose two albums. They are from the same band and I bought them within a week of each other, so to me they go hand in hand together. Which may be considered cheating if it was for someone else's list, but since I make the rules, I allowed it.

3. Paramore: Brand New Eyes/Riot! 2009/2007

For the past five or six years now I have been doing something that some may consider odd. At the beginning of the year I find something that I do not like and slowly through out the year, I train myself to like it. It is usually with food items such as Tomatoes, Coffee, Tea, things of that nature. This past year though, I decided to set my sights on a different kind of item; a band. The band was obviously Paramore and it took me a good half year to warm up to these guys. The back story to this starts at the beginning of 2009. I had heard of Paramore before I actually heard any of there music and it was not until "Decode", their song off of the "Twilight" soundtrack, that I actually did hear one of their songs. I heard "Decode" in late 2008 and loved it. This made me go out and buy an album by them, which is what I did.

I went to the store and grabbed their first album entitled, "All We Know Is Falling". I put the album on and after two or three listens through, decided it was garbage. I was really bummed to say the least. Here was a band that had this sweet song off of the "Twilight" soundtrack and their album was terrible. I mean, it is a pop/rock band with a female lead singer, how the hell could I not like them. I would periodically check back with the album I bought and it never got better. Never before in my life have I ever listened to an album that I disliked more then this one.

Fast Forward a couple of months. In June I went down to visit some friends in North Carolina. While I was there we went to go see "No Doubt" at this really sweet outdoor venue and low and behold, "Paramore" was the opening act. I was naturally bummed as I figured that they sucked at this point and was kind of willing to waive the white flag. One of my friends on the other hand, was very excited about this prospect as she was a huge fan of theirs. As we were driving around one afternoon she told me about her excitement and decided to put on their album, their second album that is. Now whether or not I knew they had a second album at the time, I don't remember, but after listening to the majority of it decided that maybe there was still a chance for me to like them.

The next night at the concert, they took the stage and literally kicked the crowd's ass. They put on a live show that most main attractions are not able to pull off. Hayley Williams vocals are a sonic wonder and the band sounded pitch perfect throughout the 45 minute set. At this time I was basically reassured again that I would like this band and was ready to get back on the bandwagon. The only problem with that was the next band that took the stage. "No Doubt" was so amazing that it all but erased the Paramore performance, along with my soon to be obsession.

It wasn't until October that I remembered about the band and went out and bought their new album, "Brand New Eyes". As soon as I heard the album though, I was in full Paramore obsession mode. I immediately went out and bought not only the CD of "Riot!", but also the Vinyl(which is white by the way and looks amazing). My roommate can attest to this obsession, due to the fact that I basically listened to nothing beyond Paramore for a good month period. Luckily for him, he doesn't mind the band so much, but I can only imagine how annoying it must have been.

Both albums are pretty similar in style, though "Riot!" is easily more radio friendly than "Behind New Eyes". With songs like "That's what you get", "Misery Business" and "Crushcrushcrush" the album is full of energy and attitude. That's not to say that "Brand New Eyes" is devoid of radio hits. "Ignorance" is just as catchy as "Misery Business" and with "Brick by Boring Brick", the band now has an anthem to go by. "Playing God" has an Avril Lavigne sound going for it, which depending on your opinion of Avril, can go either way(I think Avril rules so it was a good thing to me). There is an overall darker feel to "Eyes", a feel that is most likely a result of producer Rob Cavallo's involvement. Cavallo, who has produced Green Day's "American Idiot", My Chemical Romances "The Black Parade" and Jewel's "Goodbye Alice in Wonderland"(I bet you didn't know that one.), is felt on this album enough to change it up a bit, without taking anything away the band itself.

There are even two slow songs on the album. Though I will admit it took me a while to get used to them. Hayley at first seemed a bit out of her element on "The Only Exception", but with time I've grown to like it. Overall I think I like "Eyes" better as a whole, but after listening to both of them back to back, it is incredibly hard for me to come out with a resounding champion. Though they are not the only band that sounds like this(Hey Monday and Automatic Loveletter do the sound very nicely as well), they are a nice change from the "Nickelback" garbage that has seemed to dominate the majority of this past decades pop/rock scene.

Sorry for the novel again, but this thing kind of wrote itself. See back here again tomorrow, hopefully I can conclude this thing sometime soon. If not, I'll just write about something else. It may not be very constructive, but it is fun being your own editor.

Day 16: The Sounds of Writing 5

January 11, 2010

4. Ingrid Michaelson: Everybody 2009

I just love Ingrid Michaelson. She is my music equivalent of Amy Adams. I don't know what it is about her that makes me love her so much. This is the third album I bought of hers in a little under 18 months and I am going to have to say that it is probably my favorite. I bought her last studio release entitled 'Boys and Girls' in the summer of 2008 and then her b-sides collection 'Be O.K' in the fall of 2008. Both of those albums were fantastic, especially the melancholy beauty of "Be O.K.". I think I had that album playing in my car for over a week when I bought it, which for me is an eternity. It just had so much substance and soul to it that I just could not put it away.

The same can be said for her newest release as well. She has a way with words that feels so profound, yet they go down so easily, without the slightest amount of preaching or whining. A lot of her songs are naturally about relationship issues, but she is never going for a quick cut or even a little revenge. Instead, she sings about the realities of how relationships work, even singing about how she is willing to wait for her true love. These songs would have actually fit in perfectly on an old Sinatra or Billie Holliday album from the 50's. She has a romanticism to her that makes her delivery so sweet and calm, that when she says something like, "They say you're not really somebody/Until somebody loves you/Well I am waiting to make somebody somebody", your heart sinks with just the thought of her feeling that way.

I suppose that is the best way to describe her, she not only writes about all matters of the heart, but she also sings from it as well. I had bought this album right before I went on my first business trip this past fall. I was by myself the majority of the time and anytime I was feeling frustrated, annoyed or alone, I would just put on this album and she would make everything feel alright. As cheesy as that sounds, it is completely true.

It is hard for me to pick out a couple of tracks on the album that are clear standouts, as I basically love them all. If I had to choose though I would say to check out, "Everybody", "Are we there yet?", "Men of Snow" and "Maybe". I am assuming more than one of these tracks will be showing up(if they have not already), in any number of episodes of "One Tree Hill", "Grey's Anatomy" or any other show that tries to give the old heartstrings a tug. My choice for best end of show montage song would be "Maybe". It would be the perfect end of season song for any show in which two characters are not going to be seeing each other for a extended period of time.

With that being said though, this album is really just a fantastic example of a really good singer/songwriter coming into her own. Ingrid Michaelson may have only just come into my musical life, but I am now finding it increasingly difficult to think of what I would do without her.

Catch you back her tomorrow.

Day 15: I think it's just to late

January 10, 2010

I just got done watching several episodes of '90210'. Not to be confused with the original 'Beverly Hills 90210', I'm talking about the new version which is now in its second season. The first season of the show was unfocused and completely scatterbrained, at times it was kind of hard to watch. After several executive producer changes though, the show is finally on the right path. These latest group of episodes I watched tonight were especially good. In fact, I might even say they were 'Gossip Girl' good, which is pretty much the highest compliment you can get from me.

Why am I writing about this you may be wondering? Well, it's because it is too late for me to write about anything else. I need to start writing in this thing earlier in the night, because I am far to tired to be doing anything but sleeping right now. I still have not finished all of my albums from last year, which is becoming increasingly pathetic as the days go by. I also need to start working on this script of mine, because even though it is only January 10th, this year isn't going to go by any slower then last year. In fact, it is going to be summer before I know it.

I need to write a fully formed story with a beginning, middle and end. I also need to create complete character bio's, so I know who everyone is that I am writing about. Alone this is going to be difficult. There is one person who I really wish I could write this thing with, but getting her to help is most likely out of the question. I'm really hoping that I can do this thing on my own. I need to do this thing, but I also really need to start getting more sleep as well. I know my little coffee cure was great for yesterday, but if I don't start taking better care of myself, I am going to quickly find myself sick for the rest of the winter.

With that being said, I am going to go to bed for the night. If there is anyone out there, I hope you sleep good tonight. Talk to you again tomorrow.

Day 14: Hello, is anyone there?

January 9, 2010

Is it weird that I am writing this blog as if other people are reading it, when in reality nobody has ever seen it? Given, the reason for me doing this is not for acclaim or recognition, but is it still weird that I write it as if people are there? I know that me even posing these questions to the empty void proves its weirdness, but I thought it might be a healthy question for me to ask anyways.

On a completely unrelated note, it is official that I consume far too much coffee. The last time I had coffee before a couple of hours ago was around eleven o'clock at night on Thursday. I did not have any coffee on Friday and felt fine. When I woke up this morning though, I had one of those headaches that just wouldn't go away. On top of that, I felt like I was coming down with the flu. This as it usually does, bummed me out so I tried to ignore it. Then after work tonight, my co-workers and I went out to the bar for some late night snacking. I wasn't actually going to go originally because of my flu like symptoms, but luckily I changed my mind and decided to go.

When I got to the bar, I originally was going to order beer because it is habit, but instead I ordered a coffee. Literally within ten minutes of drinking the coffee I felt completely fine and back to normal. Still, as I type right now, I feel completely fine with not a smidge of flu like feelings. In a way I am happy that I feel so fine, but in another way, it is kind of depressing. I don't want to be tied down so hard to something like coffee. I don't want a drink to control how I feel all the time. I know that half the people in this country are probably in this same boat as I am with some sort of drug(not that this fact makes it better), but it still kind of sucks that it is true.

Now despite all of my whining, I have no plans to ween myself off of coffee anytime soon. I do not feel like dealing with some sort of withdrawal right now, especially when it is not hurting me in some terrible way. It is really just something that I found interesting and mildly amusing to be perfectly honest. Why did I find it necessary to write about it on this blog? Well, that is another thing all together; and if for some reason somebody is actually reading this entry, well, for that I am truly sorry. I will try much harder next time.

Day 13: The Sounds of Writing Part 4

More albums is just what you(whoever you is?) wanted, so that is what I will bring you(again, you?).

6. Kelly Clarkson: All I Ever Wanted 2009

Easily the most pop centric title on my list, KC's forth and best album brought her back into pop's good graces. Not that her 2007 effort, "My December" was a bad album at all, it was just a departure(mild departure), from what everyone was used to. With that being said, it still produced my favorite song by her in, "Can I Have A Kiss". I should clarify, it was my favorite song by her until I heard her this album. Now I am going to have to change my number one to "I do not hook up". It may very well be the catchiest song ever produced.

Now I do realize that music like this is meant to be catchy and radio friendly, which it is, but there is something that Kelly just does better then everyone else. I don't know exactly what that "thing" is, but after seeing her in concert this past October I have a feeling it has something to do with her being the most normal performer I have ever seen. I say normal, because she seems so dorky and neurotic that it makes her seem like the loud girl at the library. Meaning, she is a little kooky but ultimately she is normal.

Back to the album though. "All I Ever Wanted" goes back to the similar sound of her 2004 smash "Breakaway", which means a bunch of fast paced pop/rock songs that put you in a great mood. She once again enlisted Kara Dioguardi and Max Martin for songwriting and producing respectively and even brought in Ryan Tedder and Katy Perry for a couple of tracks. You can especially feel Perry's involvement on "Long Shot", as it basically sounds like something off of her album. Kelly's voice is still a powerhouse though, blazing through much of the album with such ease that it makes you wonder how long she would have stayed hidden even without American Idol. I am very glad that this album was not only good, but that it was received so well from critics and audiences alike. I find it impossible not to like Kelly Clarkson and I think I can officially say she is here to say.

Though she might not be as current as Adam Lambert or as popular as Carrie Underwood, Kelly Clarkson will always be my American Idol.

(That last sentence was for my cousin, KC Baby!)

5. Erin McCarley: Love, Save the Empty 2008

This album is proof positive that product placement, whether it be pop, food or music most definitely works. About a year ago I watched a movie trailer on the internet to the film, "He's just not that into you". The trailer was playing on the film's website and once the trailer ended, this incredibly catchy song started playing. The song I am speaking of turned out to be "Love, Save the Empty" by this artist I had never heard of before. Now I never did see that film, but about a week later I found out who sang the song and bought the album. Obviously the artist was Erin McCarley and that song was one among many on the album that were fantastic.

She is by no means completely original on this album, as much of it sounds very similar to Tracy Bonham, Anna Nalick and Rachael Yamagata among others. With that being said though, if you are going to take cues from anyone in this music genre, you chose wisely. My favorite tracks on the album are "Sticky-Sweet", "It's Not That Easy" and the ever catchy "Love, Save the Empty". To be perfectly honest with you, this would have been my favorite album of the year if it wasn't for the extreme similarities to those other artists. If I could show someone an example of my favorite kind of music, this album would be a good example.

Another reason this album stuck with me so much this year is because it was the album I was listening to when I visited some friends down south last summer. It was one of my favorite weekends last year and just popping this disc in brings back some great memories. The last and final thing I would like to mention about this album is that for about three seconds on "It's Not That Easy", she manages to channel a "When the Pawn.." era Fiona Apple. Now I have been searching for other artists that are similar to Fiona, as she is my all time favorite artist, and it is an almost impossible task. So finding someone who can do it for even a second was pretty exciting.

In closing, pick this one up if you like your pop music with a little edge and with a little less cheer. I can almost promise you that you will love this one.

That is all for now, I'll be back tomorrow.

Day 12: Meeting of the minds

January 7, 2010

Tonight was the night of the 'Presentation' with my friends. I would say the meeting lasted around two hours and I think it went well. My two favorite ideas were the ones that they all liked the best. I saved them for the end, because I figured I would want to talk about those for the longest amount of time. It was still kind of weird to be talking about these ideas of mine, since I have never really done that before. I mean, some of these ideas I have had since high school and until tonight, have never seen the light of day.

I suppose I am not surprised by the outcome of the meeting, as I figured it would be one of those two ideas that I would be pursuing after tonight. Though, I am still not sure which one I will be writing. I really think that I should focus on one story and just leave it at that. Writing one script is going to be hard enough, let alone trying to figure out two of them.

The funny thing about tonight is that it was supposed to be a freeing experience, one that let me get all of these ideas off of my chest. In the end though, I think I actually feel more closed off, as if expressing myself left me with a feeling of loss. What the hell is this that I am feeling. I should feel good about narrowing it down to two ideas, but instead I am left with a feeling of confusion. Should I use these two ideas or should I try to think of something new. I think what I am describing is someone with a serious case of commitment issues. I can't even commitment to two separate ideas at the same time. How do I expect myself to be able to write an entire screenplay without feeling like I am being trapped by my own creation?

I think this thing is going to be far more difficult then I originally anticipated. I am going to stop for right now, as I think this is starting to become repetitious and boring. Sorry if this was a lousy read tonight, I'm kind of not in the mood to say anything more. Which after a night of talking about writing, seems a bit odd. More tomorrow.

Day 11: The Sounds of Writing Part 3

January 6, 2010

My original plan was to do this in two parts consisting of 10-6 and then 5-1. Well, as usual I need someone to edit for me as I do not know when to stop. Instead of that original plan, I will most likely be doing it in three segments. Though a forth segment is not out of the question. Without further adieu, here is 7-5.

7. Paula Cole:This Fire 1996

As I mentioned yesterday, not every album was going to be new. This album came out when I was a sophomore in high school and was actually given to me as a Christmas present in 1996. I had asked for the album, as I really liked "Where have all the cowboys gone?". It was a new song at the time and I really liked it. The only thing was that once I received it, I never actually listened to it. I don't know the reason for this, perhaps Fiona Apple and Tori Amos had taken up to much of my time that year. Regardless though, I never got around to putting it in my CD player. Throughout the years, I had always wanted to listen to it, but for some reason I never did.

Fast forward to last January. As I was in my basement trying to finish a project that I was working on, I decided to finally give it a chance. I was a bit weary, as it had been 12 years since I first had the desire to hear the album. Though ultimately, my musical taste had not wavered that much and I figured I had nothing to lose. As soon as I put it on I instantly felt like a teenager again. Then of course I cursed myself for not having this as part of my life for all this time. The album is a perfectly constructed time capsule of the early to mid-nineties. From the opening track it was very obvious what time period and what artists she had been listening to. "This Fire" is right out of the Tori Amos/Sarah McLachlan landscape, full of soul barring lyrics and vocals that will overpower you.

The album was written by Cole herself and from the opening track, it is obvious that she had her fair share of problems with men. Not so much in a relationship sort of way, as it is a "society is screwed up" kind of fashion. In her first single that I mentioned early, she talks about how marriage is basically just an institution to trap woman in. How the security of having a man take care of you, eventually leads to you running the man's life with no sense of freedom for yourself. The first track talks about her going against the conventions of what a woman should be as well. This philosophy is sprinkled throughout the album, which gives it a very distinct voice that is either going to alienate listeners or hook them in.

Though, on my favorite track on the album entitled "Feelin' Love", she talk's about how she can still on occasion, want to feel like a dumb blonde and just play the part. The song moves along with her almost whispering into the microphone over top of a slow drum beat and piano. The song goes down so smooth that even though it is the albums longest song(clocking in at just over five minutes and thirty seconds), I am bummed that it has to ever end. Now she did end up having a huge hit off of this album with "I Don't Want to Wait", the album's closing track. It was a big radio hit and ended up being the theme song for the immensely popular WB show, "Dawson's Creek". I mention that only because I don't want you to think I have discovered some diamond in the rough here. This was a popular album that has probably been reviewed a thousand times by more qualified people then me.

With that being said though, this album is great from beginning to end. A true treasure that was lying underneath my nose this entire time. I am bummed that it took me so long to listen to it, but maybe if I would have heard way back then, it wouldn't mean quite as much to me as it does now. For an album that reminded me of my past, it sure was refreshing to hear it for the first time.

Well, I said it was going to be writing about album's 7-5. I guess I lied. Next time I will try not the write the novelization of these albums and actually just write a review. I will be back tomorrow though, hopefully with less to say.

Day 10: The Sounds of Writing Part 2

January 5, 2010

Making lists has always been a major part of my life. Whether it be favorite movies, books, music, television shows, athletes, etc., I am always making them. Even having a to do list, is something that is part of my life. In my very organized/not so organized sort of way, the lists are a way of keeping my scatterbrained mind on the right track. Over the past week or so I have been working on a list of albums that I have enjoyed immensely over the past twelve months. I will keep the list to ten albums(or close to it) and my only criteria for the list, is that I had to have first listened to it in 2009. That means, the album could have come out twenty years ago and as long as I first heard it last year, it is fair game.

Now this list is not going to hold any big swings in genre or anything, so don't expect anything earth shattering here. Most of the albums are similar in sound and in some cases, could be confused with each other. Without any further adieu, here are my favorites of 2009.

10. Screaming Females: Power Move 2009
I saw this band warm up for Jack White's new band, 'The Dead Weather' in July and they just about stole the show. When my friends and I first heard their name we assumed the worst. When the lead singer walked on stage, she was this tiny thing, no more than five feet tall wearing an old school uniform and looking as plain as could be. We were all expecting the worst performance of our lives; but then she starting to sing. Out of this tiny little five foot nothing girl came this voice that I can only describe as overpowering. She was like a more pissed off version of Patti Smith and the most refreshing thing I have heard in years. The entire 45 minute show was filled with the same high octane energy and as soon as they left the stage, I ran to the merchandise booth and grabbed one of their albums. They have three I believe, so I bought their latest one.

'Power Move' the album translates their high energy live performance very well, especially the first track off of the album "Bell". The entire album is maybe 35 minutes long and for the most part, moves along with the same fast pace from beginning to end. If there is any downside(I don't happen to see this as a downside, but others may), it is that many of the songs are very similar to each other. This could be said for most artists out there with such a distinct sound, but I could understand it being a complaint. Other then that though, it is an album that sounds straight out of the New York punk scene of the mid to late seventies. A great disc and a near perfect live performance.

9. Meiko: Meiko 2008
I believe I first heard of Meiko from either "Gossip Girl" or "90210" last year and though she sounds similar to Sara Bareilles or Ingrid Michaelson, she still had something that made me want to pick up the album. The album is not overly showy or dramatic but it stands the test of repeat listens very well. I think this was one of the first albums I bought last year and just recently was I reminded of how much I liked it. Despite the comparisons to her other contemporaries, the person I liken to her the most would be a young Sheryl Crow. She is much more melodic than Crow, but there are more than one song on this album that could have been on Crow's 2005 album, "Wildflower".

My favorite track on this album is the very Crowesque "Hiding". Is has a very smooth and polished sound to it, without sounding overproduced in the least. The majority of this album is acoustic guitar heavy, especially the first couple tracks on the album. The rest of the album is filled with personal, not exactly dark/but not exactly happy either lyrics that I am always longing for in a song. "Boys With Girlfriends"(the one hit off of the album) and "Under My Bed" are the two upbeat, radio friendly tracks on the album. Not that I mean that in a bad way, as they are both very enjoyable songs. A good slow disc for those who like to actually listen to the lyrics that are being sung to them.

8. Mandy Moore: Amanda Leigh 2009
Laugh if you must, but in her ten years since first coming on the pop scene, Mandy Moore has finally made a disc that she should never have to apologize for. Not that she has always released stinkers, in fact her 2001 self-titled release was one of(if not the best), pop album of the late nineties/early 2000 era. She has sense made a name for herself in movies, which has undoubtedly given her the power to keep releasing albums. Which in this case, is starting to pay off. With her trading in her pop roots for a Joni Mitchell/James Taylor sound, she had finally found a sound that fit her voice. Her 2007 effort "Wild Hope" was a nice beginning to her transition, but it lacked any songs that would make her standout. With "Amanda Leigh", she no longer has to worry about that.

"Leigh" for me on the first listen was unlike anything I had ever heard. It was soft and melodic but also engrossing and epic at the same time. Her voice still sounds like a softer version of the early seventies Melanie, but musically she sounds more like "Seals & Crofts". I have had a couple of other people listen to this and other than them saying it sounds like it would have been on the radio in the early seventies, I still have not heard a direct comparison to it. For me, the sound is incredibly unique. It is soft and folksy but grand at the same time. My favorite track is "Fern Dell", one of only two upbeat tracks on the album. The song is full of life and the instrumentation on it almost feels scattered in its delivery. You don't know quite where it's going, which is part of it's thrill. The only track you may have heard off of it is "I could break your heart any day of the week". An uptempo late seventies pop treat that has a killer video to go along with it. If for no other reason, check it out to see Mandy herself, she looks more amazing then usual.

I don't expect everyone to like this album, as it is a far cry from anything popular these days. If you are looking for something a little different though, I would seriously recommend "Amanda Leigh". Proof that if given enough time, even a cheesy pop singer can make something worth while.

That is all for now, part 3 will be here tomorrow.

Day 9: The Sounds of Writing

January 4, 2010

When it comes to writing a story or even a term paper for school, I have always found listening to music helps me work through the process. Classical music is usually what I will listen to if I am trying to set the mood for a scene. Lately though, I have been listening to more current music. My musical tastes are usually in the female singer/songwriter category, though anything Jack White does is listened to on a regular basis. 'The White Stripes' are easily my favorite band over the past decade and are a constant companion to most writing projects I have done in the past couple of years.

I will come back tomorrow with a list of my favorite albums that I listened to last year and hopefully go into more detail about how music can effect what I am putting on the paper. In fact, this might be an on going series, depending on how it seems to be working out.

Sorry for the short entry, long day today and for once I will be getting some sleep before work. Part 2 is coming tomorrow.

Day 8: Not sad to say goodbye

January 3, 2010

As the holidays come to a close, we naturally reflect upon the past couple of weeks as either a wonderful experience or a miserable one. Luckily for me it was the former, as I had a very enjoyable holiday indeed. The fond memories I made over the past couple of weeks are ones that I will cherish for the coming months of extreme cold and occasional depression. There is one difference this year as I look back and that difference is the fact that we are ending what has been a very rough decade. "The Decade From Hell" as TIME Magazine proclaimed it, was one that was filled with world changing tragedies and a new unease that fill's all of our lives.

Now I could go on for pages about how this decade has been one of very few upsides(Trust me, my friends have heard me do this on numerous occasions and I can tell I am wearing them thin), but that is not what I would like to write about. Instead, I would just like to say a little something about those few who actually had a good decade during the past ten years. How must it feel to be one of the few who can look back on these years as a wonderful time in their lives. As silly as it sounds, I kind of feel sorry for them. It must be strange to hear about this so-called "Decade From Hell" and think the exact opposite.

Looking at it from this stand point puts an interesting spin on things, because it must kind of be a bummer to feel this way. I would imagine that you might feel bad for having it good while others are in such misery. I am not saying this to be condescending in any sort of way, quite the opposite actually. I mean it as I truly feel bad for them because nobody should be made to feel bad for having it good. You should not have to apologize to people just because you are in a good place. I guess what I am trying to say is that it seems like in our society, those who have it good often feel the need to justify the reason behind it.

I wish more people had a good decade but it really does not seem like it was the case. I personally felt like this decade was just one disaster after another. That doesn't mean that there wasn't any high points, because there were plenty. It was just that over all the major things I remember from the past ten years tend to be those of pain and suffering. Now this could be from this being my first decade as an (so-called) adult. That is possible, but it is also not the whole story. When I say this was a terrible decade, I say that because overall, we are no better off then we were ten years ago. If things progressed at all, it was very minimal. If anything, it was just a decade rife with change, often for no other reason as if to just change for the sake of changing.

The other end though, me saying this was a lousy decade is not a negative one at all. I say it has been a lousy decade because I am very positive about the future. I truly believe this next decade is going to be a very good one, filled with less stagnant thinking and a push towards an eventual return to greatness. I say it was a lousy decade because I think in comparison to the teens, it is going to be looked back on as the bumpy road we all had to go through to get to the next place in our lives. I mean this to be taken from a personal journey stand point and as a journey we will all take as a society.

I keep on writing more each day, which I suppose is part of me figuring out what this thing is going to be. I am still not sure and probably will not figure it out for quite a while. Either way though, I am going to continue to write each and every day until I figure it out. Not that I will stop once I do learn the eventual purpose of this thing(if it has one), but it will make it easier for me to understand the "why" behind the reason I am doing it in the first place.

Day 7: Stories pop up everywhere

January 2, 2010

Anytime I think that I am lacking for story content, something comes along and just re-ignites the fire. The thing that is great about that, is the thing that comes along doesn't have to be anything special at all. It can be nothing more than a simple family gathering to remind you that there is never a lack of anything creative in the air. It's actually kind of funny because the thing that always gets me going again is spending time with other people. The only reason I find this funny is because I tend to almost always want to be alone. Though being alone is almost never a source of inspiration to me. I think what I just described is a sort of version of circular logic.

What I am trying to say is that the creative spark is usually never more than a conversation away.

On a completely different note, I am unable to stop myself from repeatedly watching the movie "10 things I hate about you". There is something so refreshing about that movie that makes me constantly watch it. I've watched it at least five times in the last month, one of those times being no less then a half hour ago.

Now it is not too surprising that I love this movie; I mean, one of my dreams is to write and create a teenage high school drama. Josh Schwartz(The O.C. and Gossip Girl) and Joss Whedon(Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel) are my hero's for what they have been able to do in the genre. Joss Whedon has done what almost no one else in television has ever done with his combination of virtually every genre into one mind blowing showing. Buffy was able to take everyday teenage emotions and situations and combined them with Science Fiction, Fantasy, crime solving and epic romance. "Buffy" is still to this day my favorite show of all time.

Josh Schwartz on the other hand was able to, in less then one season of "The O.C", turn the eternal nerd, Seth Cohen, into a teenage girls dream come true. With the O.C., he brought the family back into "family drama". He made the Cohen's the most likable family on television, without making it a completely impossible dream to reach for. They were a believable group of people who cared about each other a great deal. He has done the same thing with "Gossip Girl", albeit, in a different sort of fashion.

With "Gossip Girl", he has combined the typical, petty world of teenage drama and combined it with the explosive ridiculous of a Michael Bay film. Now that combination sounds like a strange and almost stupid prospect, but after two and a half plus years on television, it is still the most entertaining and exciting show on the air.

I am almost at a loss for words to why I just explained all of this to you, but I suppose my point is that these three shows are some of the most influential things I have watched over the past decade. Sorry if I kind of went off there for a little while, but those shows along with that movie are what really gets me going. Which is basically the reason why I started this blog, to try to get myself to express the reasons to why I love to write. If I happen to go off into little tangents about the stuff I love, then well, I guess the process is starting to work.

Day 6: It's all about me?

January 1, 2010

Writing that date feels strange, I can't believe it is actually 2010. I mean, this is the year we are supposed to make contact.

Anyways, as a writer you tend to write about stuff you know. Which means when you are creating characters, you may tend to give certain characters the same traits that you yourself may possess. With me it is no different. I tend to always create characters that are similar to myself in some certain type a way. That goes for other people you know too. The only reason I am bringing this up is because recently when I have been writing characters that are similar to myself, it is hard for me to see them as the good guy. Without going into a great amount of detail, it is very difficult for me to see what good I have done of late.

Every time I look back on how I act or treat people it seems like I am never quite acting in greatest fashion towards them. I don't seem to be the nicest guy in the world. Without even realizing it, it seems that I have kind of turned into the worst version of myself. I say horrible things to people without even knowing I am saying it. That goes for how I treat people as well. Over the past year or so I have been much less caring about others then I used to. Given, I have never been the most caring person in the world but over the past couple of years, it seems to be getting worse.

I am only writing this because it worries me. If a character based on me is a bad person, does that make me a bad person as well? I would hate to think that I am not a good person but if I truly am a bad person, is it too late to try and change myself? Or am I just better off basing my characters off of other people and keeping myself out of it entirely? Maybe this is a normal thing that writers go through. Maybe it is why not everyone is able to be creative all the time. If writing creatively means constantly learning more about yourself than you ever wanted to know, then maybe this writing thing is going to be even harder then I first thought.

I suppose either way I am going to learn something. I just hope it is not something that I am not ready to find out.