In Dreams.

When I was a kid I was a very vivid dreamer. I used to dream all the time, pretty much every night. They were always so life like and real, like watching a movie but better. For the most part my dreams were just fun little adventures that I took that made the night always so enjoyable to come back to. On occasion I would have nightmares, but nothing to terrifying. Then around the age of 6 I think, I started to have these dreams with this little girl. If I had to guess what age she was I would say she was around five or six. Which at the time made complete sense because that is how old I was. For a while she would just be in the background of my dreams, not really playing a prominent role or anything. Then she started to appear more and more often, until one night I remember her actually talking to me.

Now you have to remember that because I was only a kid this was not that big of a deal to me. It didn't seem creepy or strange in the least, so I started to look forward to seeing her when I went to bed. My mom and Larry(My step dad), decided not to have any children so I kindly referred to her as my nighttime sister. Her name was Sydney, now I don't know if she told me that her name was Sydney or if I just made it up. Either way though, that is what I called her and she didn't ever seem to mind. We would do all sorts of things together like go to the park or the lake. Sometimes we would even go on vacations together. She was in a sense, my best friend at the time. Which I know sounds very strange but it was kind of true. She was always there when I needed her and no matter how bad my day was, she was always there to comfort me.

That was until one night when I was about eight and a half years old that I had a dream that pretty much changed my life forever. I won't go into great detail, but it involved me finding Sydney dead in my parents house. I don't go into great detail because for years after that I was so heavily influenced to forget about it that it is actually hard for me to remember exactly what happened. What I do remember is what her lifeless body looked like lying on that bed. I still think about it all quite often and when I do, it still makes me sad. For years I no longer dreamed anymore, or at least I could never remember them. That was until about eight months ago when I had my first dream in fourteen years. It wasn't anything important or anything but that next morning I was almost confused when I woke up. It had been so long that I had forgotten what it felt like to remember something outside of your normal life.

Ever since that night I have been dreaming in full force again, just like when I was a child. I decided against telling my mom and step dad because even though I am twenty three, I still feel like they would try to get me help. They always made me take medication to keep me numb just so I wouldn't have anymore 'incidents' as they called them. This way I can still dream in peace and hopefully one day see Sydney again. Man, that doesn't sound any less crazy when I write about does it? Either way though, I am happy that they are back and I once again look forward to going to sleep. Still, it is sort of weird that I started up again. I mean, I stopped taking the medicine when I was eighteen. Why now? I'm sure there is nothing to look into about this, but being the anal retentive person that I am, I'm sure I will ponder this thought for far too long in the near future. Anyways, until then, Sweet Dreams.