Something new.

So I think I finally watched every possible film in this house. I have looked everywhere I could think of and I'm pretty sure there is no place left to hide. Though, that will not stop me from searching. The reason I will not stop is pretty much the same reason that made me start looking for them in the first place. I still have not found anything from that cabin. There is nothing at all around here from that place. Which I totally understand in some respect, but it has been over twenty three years since it happened so I also think that it might be time to let it go. It is a different type of "Let it go" though. What I mean is that it should be something that they are both able to discuss by now, if not for their sake, at least do it for mine.

I mean, it is sort of strange that I don't know anything about my father. Part of this is my fault I realize, I could have been more interested in finding out information about him. Which is I guess what I am doing right now. I have always been a late bloomer when it comes to pretty much everything, so what would make this any different. It is probably time for me to take this into my own hands and figure it out for myself. I think that I might try to look up some old friends of his that my mother no longer talks to. It could be a difficult experience that I am about to embark on, but one that I am imaging will be worth while.

I suppose I should get some sleep though, still way too much school work to do. I can't wait for the holidays coming up, I might actually get to see Reagan more than once a week. Anyways, I'm sure with this new adventure I will have many new and insightful things to add. Oh what fun I shall have....or not.

In Dreams.

When I was a kid I was a very vivid dreamer. I used to dream all the time, pretty much every night. They were always so life like and real, like watching a movie but better. For the most part my dreams were just fun little adventures that I took that made the night always so enjoyable to come back to. On occasion I would have nightmares, but nothing to terrifying. Then around the age of 6 I think, I started to have these dreams with this little girl. If I had to guess what age she was I would say she was around five or six. Which at the time made complete sense because that is how old I was. For a while she would just be in the background of my dreams, not really playing a prominent role or anything. Then she started to appear more and more often, until one night I remember her actually talking to me.

Now you have to remember that because I was only a kid this was not that big of a deal to me. It didn't seem creepy or strange in the least, so I started to look forward to seeing her when I went to bed. My mom and Larry(My step dad), decided not to have any children so I kindly referred to her as my nighttime sister. Her name was Sydney, now I don't know if she told me that her name was Sydney or if I just made it up. Either way though, that is what I called her and she didn't ever seem to mind. We would do all sorts of things together like go to the park or the lake. Sometimes we would even go on vacations together. She was in a sense, my best friend at the time. Which I know sounds very strange but it was kind of true. She was always there when I needed her and no matter how bad my day was, she was always there to comfort me.

That was until one night when I was about eight and a half years old that I had a dream that pretty much changed my life forever. I won't go into great detail, but it involved me finding Sydney dead in my parents house. I don't go into great detail because for years after that I was so heavily influenced to forget about it that it is actually hard for me to remember exactly what happened. What I do remember is what her lifeless body looked like lying on that bed. I still think about it all quite often and when I do, it still makes me sad. For years I no longer dreamed anymore, or at least I could never remember them. That was until about eight months ago when I had my first dream in fourteen years. It wasn't anything important or anything but that next morning I was almost confused when I woke up. It had been so long that I had forgotten what it felt like to remember something outside of your normal life.

Ever since that night I have been dreaming in full force again, just like when I was a child. I decided against telling my mom and step dad because even though I am twenty three, I still feel like they would try to get me help. They always made me take medication to keep me numb just so I wouldn't have anymore 'incidents' as they called them. This way I can still dream in peace and hopefully one day see Sydney again. Man, that doesn't sound any less crazy when I write about does it? Either way though, I am happy that they are back and I once again look forward to going to sleep. Still, it is sort of weird that I started up again. I mean, I stopped taking the medicine when I was eighteen. Why now? I'm sure there is nothing to look into about this, but being the anal retentive person that I am, I'm sure I will ponder this thought for far too long in the near future. Anyways, until then, Sweet Dreams.

Fun Saturday.

Reagan came over today and was as usual disappointed to see me still watching my film's. She has always been great about my stupid quirks and obsessions, but I could tell she was genuinely annoyed today. So instead of trying to convince her to hang with me while I sifted through more film, I decided to call it quits for a day and go out with her. It was a pretty nice day out actually so we decided to head on over to the cider mill for our annual visit. We were beginning to think that we were not going to make it this year, but as usual things seemed to work out just fine.

We bought a half gallon of apple cider and twelve fresh made doughnuts(6 powdered and 6 plain naturally). We also picked some apples from the orchard, which will most likely be made into some sort of baked good this holiday season. After that we went back to my house and watched television for a while before she went home. Overall it was a pretty good day. Though I will admit, as soon as Reagan left, I went straight back to watching old films again. I just can't stop thinking about that damn cabin and my dad. My mom has pretended that our conversation never took place, but it still has intrigued me more then pretty much anything has in a while. I know that there has to be a reason why I know that place. Maybe I did go there as a child and she just doesn't remember it. Or maybe there is some old film from that weekend. Either way, I know I am not going to stop looking for it until I find something about it. I need to at the very least find out where this place is. Anyways, it's getting late and I'm truly am tired. I'll write back soon.

Lost and found?

I finally found that other box of films that I was looking for. I still have not found anything from that cabin though. I asked my mom about it and she told me that she wasn't sure what cabin I was talking about. It was kind of hard for me to explain it because there really isn't too much that I remember about it. I'm pretty sure I was never there and I now kind of doubt the fact that I have ever even seen any film on it. The only specific thing I can remember about the cabin was an old tree stump out by the fire pit and a picture of a lake with trees surrounding it. I remember the trees because it must have been taken in the fall because the leaves were all red and orange colored. The stump was strange as well, because it didn't look like a regular tree stump. What I mean is that the coloring on it looked as if it were painted.

When I mentioned the stump to my mom, this pale look came over her face that conveyed more to me than any story ever could have. From that moment I knew exactly what cabin I was describing. I knew exactly what week I was describing. I especially knew why I could not find any film or pictures from that weekend either. The only thing that I couldn't figure out is why I remember it so well, since as far as I know, I've never been there. Needless to say, that was pretty much the end of that conversation and I really haven't said much to her since then. I'm sure she will be fine since to this day that weekend is a touchy subject. I totally understand why, but since that is where he died at, I guess I've just always wanted to hear more about it.

Anyways, I suppose I should probably go through this other box of film's that I found. I mean, maybe she was wrong. Maybe there is some film from that weekend that she just forgot about. Anything is possible I suppose. Catch you later.

Looking around.

I was looking through a bunch of stuff in my mom's garage the other day and I came across a box of old 8mm films. I remembered watching these films as a kid. I always loved seeing old family members before I was born. I especially loved getting to see my dad. I still look at pictures of him quite often but it had been a while since I had seen the films so I decided to break out the projector and watch them. It is basically just old vacations and birthday parties, but it is still fun to watch. I still have quite a few more reels to go through and I am thinking that there might still be another box around somewhere with some more reels in it. I seem to remember seeing some old films of a vacation at a cottage when I was a kid that I have yet to find. Naturally I could be remembering wrong but I'm pretty sure that I'm not. Anyways, I still have a bunch of reels to go through and I'm kind of wasting time right now not doing anything about it. I'll write back reel soon. Get it.

Chapter One

Mark sat there in front of the switch board, waiting for someone to tell him what to do. It wasn't that he did not know what to do, it was just that it was customary for the technical director to wait for the director to give him an order. He sat there staring at the monitor in front of him, wishing the floor director would give the talent something to do. Mark did this for another 30 seconds before he could hear the floor director tell the talent that they would be starting in one minute. This meant that Mark was to fade to black and get ready for the opening of the show.

This production, though the last of the year for Mark was far from a nerve racking experience. Mark was a senior in high school and this just so happened to be the final production of his high school career. He had already been doing these productions on a weekly basis for the better part of the last three years, so this one was no different from the rest. The director of the program was his best friend and classmate, his name was Russell, but nobody who knew him ever called him that. Everyone who knew him in the least bit called him Dusty, a nickname that Mark gave him the first day of their meeting.

This day was of course year's ago when these two first met in elementary school. Mark had misunderstood Russ on the first day of first grade and it stuck. The reason for Mark's mishearing was something that has been of a constant annoyance to Mark since he was a toddler. As a baby and a small child, Mark was on the receiving end of a bad string of ear infections. This string of ear infections lasted from the time he was 6 months old until he was a little over the age of two. These ear infections left a great deal of scar tissue on and around his ear drums, which inevitably lead to him having a substantial amount of hearing loss.

Though it was something that had been with him since he could remember, it was not so debilitating that he was not able to overcome it. In fact, he had always looked at it as a gift of sorts, because he was the only one who was able to hear the world from this certain point of view. Throughout his childhood he had always heard different things or as is father often told him, "You might have hearing loss, but I am certain that you only hear what you want to hear". This may have been true but it did lead him to make up all sorts of different words, to which him and his friends still used to this day. His friend's name Dusty was a confirmation of this.

"Alright Mark, fade up on two", said Dusty to Mark as the program had finally started.
The program that they had been waiting on was an awards show for their video production class called the "Rooney Awards". They are named after their teacher, John Rooney, who is a favorite of Dusty and Mark. The awards are for the students who are enrolled in the video production class. They are voted on by the students of the class and are based on the projects that have been produced throughout the school year.

To the surprise of almost nobody, Mark and Dusty's projects were thought to win in almost every category that they had been nominated. They were the head of the class and they knew it. They are not so much arrogant about this as they are just very confidant in everything they do. Their confidence was not a born behavior but a learned one. Over the past couple of years the pair of them had produced the top projects in their class. This had lead to them becoming accustomed to hearing the praises of their fellow classmates, which were told of them very often.

"Take 3 and then bring up the CG", said Dusty to Mark and to the CG operator Karen, who was a friend of Mark's. The program went on for about five minutes before the first award was handed out. It did not go to either Mark or Dusty, only because they had not been up for the award. The following award also did not go to them, but that was pretty much the last time during the program that they had left empty handed.

In fact, they won the final seven of the last nine awards, including the final three for best script, best film and a lifetime achievement award for Mark. They of course gladly accepted their awards from their classmates, who did not have even show the least bit of resentment towards them. This was most likely attributed to their attitude towards their classmates, than to their quality of work. Which though it wasn't bad, it also wasn't "The Godfather" either. They produced stupid comedies that for some reason everybody seemed to think were hilarious. This of course worked out well for them, as they were used to acting like idiots in front of large groups of people anyways.

"A lifetime achievement award at 18, not bad eh", said Mark to Dusty as they were finishing up the production.
"Yeah, it's so awesome that we won these awards. I mean, I know they don't actually mean anything, but it is still pretty sweet", Dusty said as he was labeling the tape of which they had just shot the production on.
"No, I know what you mean. I wish they could have given you a lifetime achievement award too though. I mean, you did just as work as I did."
"Yeah, but you were here last year as well. I mean you won the best film award both years you were here and I wasn't here for that one. It made sense really."
"Yeah, your right. Man I really am better than you(Laughs)."
"Eat duck B", Dusty said as Karen looked at the two of them. "You guys are retard's. Plus that award belongs to me too you know."
"That is true, that last movie was a group effort and by group effort I mean Dusty and I did everything", Mark said with a laugh, though there was truth in his voice as he said it. Karen gave him a look and then shrugged her shoulders as if to say that he was right. She then walked out of the control room and said goodbye.

Mark once again looked at his awards and thought to himself how cool it was that they had won them. He instantly thought to himself that if he could do this well in High School, he could not wait to see what he could do once he got out. Mark stood up from his chair and turned the system off while Dusty was putting the tape in a cabinet, to which all of their production tapes had always gone. Mark was standing at the production room door when he asked Dusty if he was ready to go. He told him yes and as they both exited the room, Dusty turned the light off for maybe the final time of their high school career.

My blog has become a Baby Gap!

Do I have such severe commitment issues as to say that I cannot even keep a blog going correctly. This is quite pathetic really. What I want to do is just start posting random ideas on this blog, some true, some not true and maybe try to create well, really anything at this point. I can't promise a single thing but the least I can do it try to turn this blog into something that is not completely sad, like a baby gap.