In Dreams.

When I was a kid I was a very vivid dreamer. I used to dream all the time, pretty much every night. They were always so life like and real, like watching a movie but better. For the most part my dreams were just fun little adventures that I took that made the night always so enjoyable to come back to. On occasion I would have nightmares, but nothing to terrifying. Then around the age of 6 I think, I started to have these dreams with this little girl. If I had to guess what age she was I would say she was around five or six. Which at the time made complete sense because that is how old I was. For a while she would just be in the background of my dreams, not really playing a prominent role or anything. Then she started to appear more and more often, until one night I remember her actually talking to me.

Now you have to remember that because I was only a kid this was not that big of a deal to me. It didn't seem creepy or strange in the least, so I started to look forward to seeing her when I went to bed. My mom and Larry(My step dad), decided not to have any children so I kindly referred to her as my nighttime sister. Her name was Sydney, now I don't know if she told me that her name was Sydney or if I just made it up. Either way though, that is what I called her and she didn't ever seem to mind. We would do all sorts of things together like go to the park or the lake. Sometimes we would even go on vacations together. She was in a sense, my best friend at the time. Which I know sounds very strange but it was kind of true. She was always there when I needed her and no matter how bad my day was, she was always there to comfort me.

That was until one night when I was about eight and a half years old that I had a dream that pretty much changed my life forever. I won't go into great detail, but it involved me finding Sydney dead in my parents house. I don't go into great detail because for years after that I was so heavily influenced to forget about it that it is actually hard for me to remember exactly what happened. What I do remember is what her lifeless body looked like lying on that bed. I still think about it all quite often and when I do, it still makes me sad. For years I no longer dreamed anymore, or at least I could never remember them. That was until about eight months ago when I had my first dream in fourteen years. It wasn't anything important or anything but that next morning I was almost confused when I woke up. It had been so long that I had forgotten what it felt like to remember something outside of your normal life.

Ever since that night I have been dreaming in full force again, just like when I was a child. I decided against telling my mom and step dad because even though I am twenty three, I still feel like they would try to get me help. They always made me take medication to keep me numb just so I wouldn't have anymore 'incidents' as they called them. This way I can still dream in peace and hopefully one day see Sydney again. Man, that doesn't sound any less crazy when I write about does it? Either way though, I am happy that they are back and I once again look forward to going to sleep. Still, it is sort of weird that I started up again. I mean, I stopped taking the medicine when I was eighteen. Why now? I'm sure there is nothing to look into about this, but being the anal retentive person that I am, I'm sure I will ponder this thought for far too long in the near future. Anyways, until then, Sweet Dreams.

Fun Saturday.

Reagan came over today and was as usual disappointed to see me still watching my film's. She has always been great about my stupid quirks and obsessions, but I could tell she was genuinely annoyed today. So instead of trying to convince her to hang with me while I sifted through more film, I decided to call it quits for a day and go out with her. It was a pretty nice day out actually so we decided to head on over to the cider mill for our annual visit. We were beginning to think that we were not going to make it this year, but as usual things seemed to work out just fine.

We bought a half gallon of apple cider and twelve fresh made doughnuts(6 powdered and 6 plain naturally). We also picked some apples from the orchard, which will most likely be made into some sort of baked good this holiday season. After that we went back to my house and watched television for a while before she went home. Overall it was a pretty good day. Though I will admit, as soon as Reagan left, I went straight back to watching old films again. I just can't stop thinking about that damn cabin and my dad. My mom has pretended that our conversation never took place, but it still has intrigued me more then pretty much anything has in a while. I know that there has to be a reason why I know that place. Maybe I did go there as a child and she just doesn't remember it. Or maybe there is some old film from that weekend. Either way, I know I am not going to stop looking for it until I find something about it. I need to at the very least find out where this place is. Anyways, it's getting late and I'm truly am tired. I'll write back soon.

Lost and found?

I finally found that other box of films that I was looking for. I still have not found anything from that cabin though. I asked my mom about it and she told me that she wasn't sure what cabin I was talking about. It was kind of hard for me to explain it because there really isn't too much that I remember about it. I'm pretty sure I was never there and I now kind of doubt the fact that I have ever even seen any film on it. The only specific thing I can remember about the cabin was an old tree stump out by the fire pit and a picture of a lake with trees surrounding it. I remember the trees because it must have been taken in the fall because the leaves were all red and orange colored. The stump was strange as well, because it didn't look like a regular tree stump. What I mean is that the coloring on it looked as if it were painted.

When I mentioned the stump to my mom, this pale look came over her face that conveyed more to me than any story ever could have. From that moment I knew exactly what cabin I was describing. I knew exactly what week I was describing. I especially knew why I could not find any film or pictures from that weekend either. The only thing that I couldn't figure out is why I remember it so well, since as far as I know, I've never been there. Needless to say, that was pretty much the end of that conversation and I really haven't said much to her since then. I'm sure she will be fine since to this day that weekend is a touchy subject. I totally understand why, but since that is where he died at, I guess I've just always wanted to hear more about it.

Anyways, I suppose I should probably go through this other box of film's that I found. I mean, maybe she was wrong. Maybe there is some film from that weekend that she just forgot about. Anything is possible I suppose. Catch you later.

Looking around.

I was looking through a bunch of stuff in my mom's garage the other day and I came across a box of old 8mm films. I remembered watching these films as a kid. I always loved seeing old family members before I was born. I especially loved getting to see my dad. I still look at pictures of him quite often but it had been a while since I had seen the films so I decided to break out the projector and watch them. It is basically just old vacations and birthday parties, but it is still fun to watch. I still have quite a few more reels to go through and I am thinking that there might still be another box around somewhere with some more reels in it. I seem to remember seeing some old films of a vacation at a cottage when I was a kid that I have yet to find. Naturally I could be remembering wrong but I'm pretty sure that I'm not. Anyways, I still have a bunch of reels to go through and I'm kind of wasting time right now not doing anything about it. I'll write back reel soon. Get it.